The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
