question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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