sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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