dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
