i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
