so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
