I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Dick very happy bro
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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