apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
