i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
