We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I just googled if crying burns calories
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
