so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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