Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
