if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
