Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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