there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
