They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
smell my finger.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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