I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
