Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
