Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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