Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
