I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
