Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
