Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
