I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
