i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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