puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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