i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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