FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
