oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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