dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
