Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
