Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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