Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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