I need to stop coming to work sober
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize