The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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