i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
