Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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