I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
