yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
