He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize