OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
