he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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