THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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