im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
