she kept yelling 'call me bella'
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Someone signed my nipple.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
