i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
