"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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