If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
