This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
