So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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