Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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