True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Mom said you looked used
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
