It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You took a bar mat shot.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
