No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
