Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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