I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
