We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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