at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
