It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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