Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
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