is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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