I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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