He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
only you would photoshop your dick
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
