How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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