I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
