Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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