Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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