i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
