I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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