Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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