he wants to bone in the snuggie
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize