Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
